On a brighter note, the holidays have almost concluded. We have a mere two days until New Years Eve, three until New Years Day, and I have but one Christmas related post left before the "man" throws me off of Blogger until the new year. It's shameless, sure, but I follow the rules.
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| It's a Wonderful Life, probably the best known yet least loved of the Holiday specials. |
So I thought, "what could be the single greatest thing people love around the holidays?" Oh yeah, the Christmas specials! Most of all, however, the movies. Christmas movies are something enjoyed by millions every year. In fact, some people cram their holiday movies in with the decorations and store those in the shed for summer, too. It's almost fucking unbelievable how much people can get excited over Christmas movies. I myself, love the Christmas movies, and that's why to end "A Christmas Month" here on my blog, I'm going to bring you my Top Five Christmas movies that I can't get enough of around the holidays. There is tons of mindless holiday bullshit that I watch, but these are the five movies I watch because I love them also, not just because of the holidays. Let's get started with the list, shall we?
#5 - THE SANTA CLAUSE
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| The Santa Clause |
#4 - HOME ALONe
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| Home Alone |
Yeah, I don't know how, but this movie just makes me laugh constantly. I've seen over a million times probably, and it never ends with Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern falling on their asses over and over again, and all at the majesty of Kevin McAllister. Yeah, this was back when Macaulay Culkin was reigning supreme at the box office, so it was only fitting to cast this little hell-raising child in this family-oriented Christmas film. Seriously, I'm not kidding. Next Christmas, watch Home Alone, then pop in "The Good Son", starring Culkin and Elijah Wood. You will not believe what you see. It will ruin Home Alone for you for years to come to see how evil little Culkin's mind is. Anyway, the cast of Kevin's family is brilliant, especially uncle Frank. The movies a great holiday classic, and in the end, Christmas can be had by the McAllister family.
#3 - JINGLE ALL THE WAY
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| Jingle All The Way |
Oh boy, now we're getting to the funny shit. What's funnier than 80's and 90's action star Arnold Schwarzenegger and 90's racial comedian Sinbad both on a blood-thirsty quest for a children's toy, known as "Turbo Man". Yes, it was the "Tickle-Me Elmo" of the movie, but moving on. It doesn't get any funnier than that. With a supporting cast of Rita Wilson, Jake Lloyd, Phil Hartman, and Jim Belushi as the toy-dealing mall Santa, you're really in for a treat. The two go so far as to vandalize a toy store, assault toddlers, and even dress up as superheroes and villains just to make sure they're children have a spectacular Christmas. In the end, after Arnold spends his time in the "Turbo Man" outfit, Jake Lloyd (Arnold's son Jamie in the movie) claims that he doesn't need "the real Turbo Man action figure, that he has the real Turbo Man at home." That's the true spirit of Christmas right there, kudos to the kid for figuring Christmas out...
#2 - DIE HARD
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| Die Hard |
Yes, that's right; Die Hard. A true Christmas movie in every sense of the term. Well, not really, but it is a Christmas film. Does is celebrate the joy of the holidays? No. Does it teach us about the true spirit of Christmas? No. Does it let us remember to also celebrate and worship Jesus? No. So why is it a Christmas movie? Because the film ends with "Let It Snow", there's always snow on the ground, there's Christmas lights everywhere, everybody's humming Christmas jingles. It's pretty much there. I hate to break it to the liberals, but Die Hard is in fact, a "Christmas movie". Though it doesn't teach us about the true spirit of Christmas, Christmas is there, surrounding the chaos of Bruce Willis blowing holes in a bunch of blood-thirsty German terrorists. Snow, lights, and jingles, and all. Whatever, just sit down and enjoy it...
#1 - NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION
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| National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation |
Yep, how couldn't this one be on top? What? Did you think I was going to put "A Christmas Story" on top? Hell no, that movie is overrated and it blows dick; well, that's just my opinion anyway. I could not stand it. Anyway, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, often just called Christmas Vacation, is about a middle-class suburban family known as the Griswolds, the father Clark (Chevy Chase), the wife Ellen (Beverly D'Angelo), the son Rusty (The Big Bang Theory's Johnny Galecki), and daughter Audrey (Juliette Lewis). Together, they attempt to stay home for the holidays and create "The perfect Christmas", while the end result is anything but perfect. With the arrival of Cousin Eddie (played by newly labeled fugitive Randy Quaid) and his family, and Clark and Ellen's parents, and the lovable senile Uncle Louis and Aunt Bethany, it becomes one yuletide fuck up after another. From a squirrel in the house, to setting the tree on fire, everything happens to this family. Their neighbor is mauled by a hound, Clark goes insane after receiving a bogus Christmas bonus, Uncle Louis's cat is fried under a chair, and everyone learns not to let Aunt Bethany make a jello mold or wrap presents. It's nothing but fun from beginning to end...
...and that's my top five Christmas movies presentation. I hope you enjoyed the list for one thing and I hope you also agreed with it. Except for you Christmas Story fanboys, you're all welcome to come back and read all my blog posts for the few years to come. That is, until Blogger decides to expand their bandwidth and close down all not active accounts, but I digress. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed Christmas month. Now we are back to the uncertain future, as now the topics can range from anything to anything. I'll write about anything, as you've clearly seen. Thank you, and I'll see you all in the new year!
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