A Christmas Month Volume IV - Christmas Ornaments

Okay, this will be a short post, as there may not be much to say. Last time, we talked about Christmas trees, quite possibly the biggest form of Christmas decorations known to mankind. However, a Christmas tree would look bare without Christmas ornaments.

Whoops....

Ornaments come into all sorts of categories: Sports, movies, novelty, light up, sound, TV shows, etc. There's not a limit to what kind of ornaments can be manufactured by Christmas kingpin Hallmark. The form of ornaments most like are the ones you plug into a lightbulb and it lights up. My favorites are the silly sound ones from various films, like Star Wars. The Star Wars ornaments are my favorites.

Sometimes, though, the Hallmark Company decided to screw you. Selling you cheap, ridiculous ornaments that don't function, don't light up, or don't even look right. Things that fuck you out of some money and don't even satisfy your Christmas spirit. Much like ornaments with cheap strings, or ornaments that are far too heavy for their strings. Awkward ornaments that are supposed to be cool and cutting-edge, but end up just being annoying and stupid, like my Dark Knight Batman ornament that displays Batman hanging from a hook in a shattered window. That stupid thing causes so much mischief with my cats its not even funny. They pull him down, only for him to recoil and knock about two or three other ornaments off my tree. Fuck those ornaments...

Greatest ornaments ever

Hooks are annoying. Trying to find hooks in your house is like trying to find the Lost Ark of the Covenant in your bathroom. You never find a hook when you need one, and when you do find one, you need to pull it out of your foot and clean it before you can use it. Go ahead, buy a package of five hundred hooks for three ornaments, I guarantee that box will be empty after two ornaments; they bend, they snap, they cut, they suck. Fuck hooks to HELL...

Those stupid ass glass ornaments are fragile as fuck; more fragile than regular glass. You tear away at the box, they break. You drop them on a soft mattress, they break. You breathe on them wrong, they break. It's more fun to pull teeth than to carefully open the box, pull a glass ornament out, find a fuckin' hook to attach to it, and hang it on your tree without dropping it, breathing on it, coughing on it, sneezing on it, whatever. Hang it on your tree in one piece with no cuts or bruises; you deserve a medal for that.

Besides my gripes. Christmas ornaments are not bad. Sure at times they can be more annoying than a canker sore, but if you treat them well, they will make your tree look like the greatest tree on the block. Add some lights and fake snow, and your tree will be the bitching-est tree on the block. Thanks for reading this short rant, and don't worry, Christmas month is not done yet...