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| Santa Claus |
What better way to celebrate Christmas than by having some fat, elderly guy trudge down through your chimney and deliver presents to you by placing them under your Christmas tree. He then wiggles his way up through your chimney and jumps into his sleigh and takes off. How many more times does he have to do this? Millions. He seems like quite the overly-nice schmuck to deliver presents to around 7 billion people on the planet. What does he do for the other 364 days? Does he just sit around and watch TV? What's his favorite show? Does he like sports? These sorts of questions have begun entering children's minds. No one knows what Santa does during the off days, but we know that the morning of December 25th every year, he does more work than anyone else in that one day.
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| Funny Christmas card |
More questions have entered adults' heads, like "how the hell is he so happy all the time?". The answer to that one is simple: He takes several happy pills every day. It's almost guaranteed that since he's Santa, he has to be jolly as hell every moment of every day of every week of every month of ever year of every decade of every century of ever millennium. Sometimes, though, I'm sure Santa snaps and kills an elf that disobeys his order, or he may end up smacking Mrs. Claus around for eating the last pudding cup. I don't know, but Santa Claus seems like he can easily snap at any moment. Watch out kids, don't light that fireplace or Santa Claus may bust a cap in your ass
What's the deal with elves? Santa employs thousands of elves to do his dirty work. Why can't anyone find elf applications on job websites? What makes them so goddamn special? Why can't anyone of the human variety work for Santa? It would be just like working at a regular toy store! Come on, what makes the elves so special that they're also immune from the stock market woes? In 2008, when Wall Street went to hell, did we hear a single thing about elves having to close up their Christmas offices because of job cuts? No! Santa and his elves somehow avoided the stock market failure and still continue to make more money than ever nowadays. I'm joking of course, but you gotta wonder...
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| Santa and his henchmen |
Now, the biggest question anyone asks themselves is this: does Santa Claus seriously exist? Yes, but not in the form we think he does. Santa is not a person of flesh and blood. He is an supercomputer that was built in the north pole, and he is updated with the latest software every year. The mall Santa's we see are actually androids built by the supercomputer in a way of revolutionizing the Christmas industry. This way, millions of mall Santa's can instantly relay Christmas gift information with child face recognition software in the blink of an eye. The elves then build the toys (or order them off Amazon, whichever is cheaper) and ship them faster than hell to the specified children's houses. Many people believe that Santa is fake, and in many ways, he is. But he lives on in a supercomputer, linked with millions of android mall Santa's for easy Christmas gift idea relaying technologies. Again I am joking, but really, alot of people believe Santa Claus to be fake. While he is not a physical being of flesh and blood, he does exist, but in cyberspace (much like Tron).
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| Smilin' Santa |
Well, this has bee...interesting to say the least. Santa Claus, either fake or real (or digital), continues to fascinate and inspire children to improve their behaviors and make Santa Claus happy. Now, if only they would upgrade this Santa supercomputer with Apple Inc. software, then the Christmas industry will really pick up. Thanks for reading, and see again soon with more "Christmas Month"...
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