Wow, got off topic quick, didn't we? Well, let's talk about a college student's best friend! A drug for the early riser, the late to lie downer, the no-sleep-til-it's-done academic. I'm talking about CAFFEINE!! It is truly a substance no college student can be without! Take it from me, I've had to stay up the past few days pretty late typing some papers. It's not fun staying up late, but caffeine and coffee can help soothe the pain, and make you feel as energetic as Rick James.
But, hold on there! No one should just run head-on into drinking caffeine. For us experienced caffeine chuggers, we know the phases of the drug's effects. We know what it does, what it should do, what it shouldn't do, and how it effects us later on in the day and night. Here are the four "phases" of caffeine intake.
1. THE PRE-CAFFEINE PHASE
Energy levels: Nominal
Imagine this; it's 8 o'clock, you've got a lot of homework and shit to do. You normally go to bed around 10 or 11 o'clock for a good night's sleep. However, you have a four page paper due the following day! What are you to do? Coffee my friend! Caffeine helps soothe the soul, clean and prepare the mind for a three hour marathon of numbers, quizzes, questions, writing and everything else! So you go and grab a bag of Folgers instant brand coffee beans, roast 'em, mix 'em, and BOOM! Instant coffee...So you decide to make your cup
2. THE MAGIC BEGINS
You take the boiling, scalding, yet magical liquid into your hands (preferably in a foam cup lol). You take your first sip, "OH FUCK! THAT'S FUCKING HOT! GOD DAMMIT, SON OF A BITCH!" After you take stop jumping up and down like a maniac and finally come to terms with the fact that your tongue now feels like a coffee-wreaking dry sponge, you're ready for another sip...and another, and another, AND ANOTHER!!!
3. "THE COFFEE/CAFFEINE HIGH"
Bythispoint, you'retoowiredtohearanythingofanysort, muchlessunderstandit. Youfeelasthoughyourmindisgoingat100milesperhour, andyousuddenlylacktheurgetodowhatyoudrankcoffeetodoanyway. Luckily,yourthoughtsandbeliefsaretemperedbythefactallyourwordsarerunningtotogether. Incredibly,youfeellikerunningamassiveNewYorkMarathoninyourbedroom, orjustrunningaroundyourroomuntilyoudecidetomakemorecoffee!! Butuh-oh,suddenly..the...energy....is...running...low......need....more....COFFEE!!!
4. THE CRASH AND BURN
Wow...that....was...one of....the...greatest...experiences......of....your li....life......If only.....you had.....enough....left.....over....energy to m......make....some....more coffee....Now, all....you....can...think of....is....sleep.....precious.....glorious......sleep.....and....the fact.....that the.....walls.....are......closing.......and the......ceiling....is....falling.....Zzzzzzzzzzzz..........
I thought this would be one of the good one's to type. It's just something I've always thought was fun and amusing to watch coffee noobies go through. I always love watching their high-paced thought process turn into this droning, crashing feeling. It's fun to draw on people's faces while they're asleep, did you know that? Anyway, thanks for reading this short post. I'm sure the next one won't have Oatmeal pictures and won't be so weird....
For more great comics and quizzes, go to www.theoatmeal.com for some FUN!!
No comments:
Post a Comment