So, recently, I have come quite re-addicted to the hit mobile game "Angry Birds". Then again, who hasn't? The Angry Birds game is like one of the biggest games in the world right now. Who doesn't like flinging red birds and blue birds and fuckin' magic birds at wooden and glass structures containing green pigs that stole all your eggs. Unfortunately, this game has been dying down in popularity, but that only may be because an update is coming soon. I hear they might be adding two additional birds with fifty additional levels. Is it called Angry Birds 2? No, it doesn't have a title yet, but rest assured that something is coming. So here we go, I'm going to briefly describe each Angry Bird and their likability!
1. Standard "RED" Bird
This one's the starting bird. You simply load it into the slingshot and fire it at the structures. No special powers, no unique maneuvers, almost nothing. It's like hurling a Skittle at a battleship pretty much, the other birds are MUCH better.
2. Speedy "YELLOW" Bird
Basically, it's the same feeling as the red bird, but with the idea of throwing a ping pong ball at a Navy destroyer loaded with steroids. It's like throwing a ping pong ball from a pitching machine, so there could be some damage done, but only if you're lucky.
3. The Bomb-Droppin' "WHITE" Bird
A pretty useless bird if you ask me. Using this bird to fire at a structure is like using an air soft pellet to fire at MechaGodzilla, while the air soft pellet drops smaller, even less useful air soft pellets onto MechaGodzilla. Yeah, three birds and we're pretty much fucked over already. Though, it does make you feel strategic instead of feeling like you're throwing birds until you pass the level.
4. The Duplicating "BLUE" bird
Oh boy, it's basically the white bird, except it's far smaller, yet somehow stronger. You fling this sucker out of the slingshot and once it hit the precise spot, you'd tap the flying bird and duplicate him into three birds of the same size. Each one deals the same amount of damage as the other. Thankfully, this one's actually useful, unless you have no clue what you're doing.
5. The Explosive "BLACK" Bird
I suppose its only poetic justice that the bird that kicks the most ass is the black one. I know, a racist joke, but oh well. Anyway, this bird is a destructive, exploding son of a bitch.You can toss this little guy anywhere and he'll be sure to tear the building a new asshole. Utilizing this think is like firing a bottle rocket down an ant hill. I't so much fun to watch the chaos!
6. The Sucky-Ass "GREEN" Bird
This one is just the icing on the shit sundae. Throwing this bird at a structure is on par with throwing a frisbee into a F5 Tornado and hoping your dog is able to jump off the family car onto the barn, then into the air in order to catch it. This bird is like trying to use your fart to topple a building. It's like walking to try and move the planet. Long story short, it's like throwing a feather in the vain attempt to knock over the Willis Tower. This bird blows dick...
See? Most of the birds if you think about it are kind of useless, while the green bird is complete bullshit. It's only fun to use the red, black, and yellow bird. The blue bird is decent, and the white and green birds suck major shit. Disagree with me? Comment your thoughts and we'll see who's got the better opinions! Lol, so It's been fun, check in later for more hilarity...Let's end on another entry from www.theoatmeal.com, a scale depicting that website's likability.
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