If I Were the God of Television?

The God of Television, you say? That'd be the best job in the world I think. Not even a real position if you think about it. Some of us would cherish the job and save America from its demented form of entertainment, and others would make American television worse. Just for fun here, I'll make a list of TV shows I would make, and also the show's I'd remove from rotting America's mind any further with their retarded entertainment:

SHOW'S I'D CREATE


A CHEECH & CHONG VARIETY SHOW: Let's face it people, this is a show we all need desperately. The two of these guys together are the funniest damn thing on the planet. I don't care what anybody says, they are the funniest comedy tour in the country, far funnier than the blue-collar team. What's better? An SNL-style show hosted every week by the two comedy geniuses. Every episode would have like a guest star or something, but it would be hilarious. Much funnier than anything other "funny" thing you see on TV...



A TALK SHOW HOSTED BY GENE SIMMONS (IN COSTUME): Yes, indeed I would do this. I would create a talk show hosted by Gene Simmons in his KISS getup. Why? It would be funny? No. It would be classic? No. Because it's just one of those show's you'd love to see. I mean, he's already got a reality show, so why not a talk show too? It's something I'm sure he'd like to do anyway.



A SIMPSONS/FAMILY GUY CROSSOVER: Again, another show I think they need to at least try. What if Peter Griffin and Homer Simpson were neighbors? It's a really interesting idea! Of course, the money and animators they'd need would be too much to handle, so probably the show wouldn't be able to fund more than just one episode. Unless the universal kingpin TV company FOX funded the show, then we'd be good.



SHOW'S I'D KICK THE F*CK OFF TV


JERSEY SHORE: Okay, what hospital green lit the surgeries to make these freaks? Seriously, I turned over to it and I thought I was watching a show filled with super humans. The stuff done to these people are like the recipe to make a superhero, with all that genetics altering and what not. Honestly, Snooki cannot be real. Most of her is either synthetic or flammable. I feel like if I smoked a cigarette next to her the room would spontaneously combust. The amount of tan used on those people could be converted to energy and fuel New York for a year...



TEEN MOM: This is why the French think we're uncultured. When we decide to make show's showing off sluts in America, this makes us look horrible to other countries. No wonder Afghanistan thought they could pick on us. Too soon? Well whatever, Teen Mom is one of those shows I'd look at and say "This makes my life look awesome!" Those girls are so emotional and keep saying "This was a huge mistake!" and I go "FUCKING DUH!! What more do you want?"



HOARDERS: I know, but not why you think! Not because it's disgusting, but because those people are funny as hell! They're always like "It's not a problem! I'm fine!" and everyone watching is like "Holy shit! What the hell? Their children could be buried under there!" The people showing their house think its normal and that nothing seems out of place. Also, in every show, the guy or girl narrating always has to make a quirk that says "It'd be easier to buy a new house!" Again "DUH!!" But the by the end, the problem seems resolved, but not without a shit load of emotional distress!! However, the reason to get rid of it is just that it's getting too old. Trash is trash, and it all looks the same...



Well, that's my list. Pretty short, but something I've always wanted to try is to be the judge, jury, and executioner for TV. Nothing more, nothing less...